I was doing this picture and my hubby stops by the computer, coffee in hand, resting the other one on the back of my chair, watching me and he says that Bliss is looking a little pale, she should probably get a bit more sun. So I asked him what he wanted me to do … put a sun lamp on the computer?
He then leaned closer to the computer screen and said, “Oh I see the problem,” and pointed at her white shoes and said, “Hasn’t it already been Labour Day in the States?”
And he “tsked” me.
What man doesn’t know that he NEVER quotes fashion rules back to his wife … EVER?
So I parroted him and said, “Ya well … you do understand that SL is not REAL right?”
And he looked me straight in the eye and said, “Yes but good fashion rules should be honoured even in make believe. It’s part of the code.”
He’s not allowed to have snappy comebacks. I don’t know who told him that role reversal was allowed but that person should be shot.
A really good game to play at Christmas is “statues.”
It works because the adults can play and you can always get one of the kids to beg them. Just make sure that you get the kid to beg before they are wearing half their dinner on their face and while the crinolines are still crisp. For some reason wilted crinolines and gravy do not equal cuteness.
You can do the “pretend we are all little mice and be as quiet as quiet as can be” but chances are their parents have already played that one to death on the ride over Christmas morning.
Have everyone strike a pose and hold it. You can also call this game “playing Madonna” which might win over the hearts of some of the more trendier peeps. They are not to move or speak. Then you tell them there is a huge prize for the winner out in the garage and you leave them to it.
The prize is room to move and not be a statue … but don’t give that away until the end. I sometimes LET the kids win and declare it a 32 way tie and put all the kids out in the garage …that works too.
Oh just make sure to check on Grandma every now and then … sometimes it may look like they are playing Statue and they are really dead.
I have not done my Christmas baking yet.
I am tired of baking. This year I just collected everyone else’s baking everywhere we went and I am going to put it on a plate and serve it Christmas Day.
Surprisingly, those Church Ladies down’t have someone standing guard over the cookie platter at the quilting bees and I was able to slide that whole plate into my purse.
Now I have all those cookies AND a nice plate to give grandma.
It really is a knife’s edge between naughty or nice …
Living in the foothills was magical. It was just a short drive to the best skiing and who didn’t love a great day skating with that as a back drop …
We lost more relatives out there let me tell you. So much gear to take to enjoy the day, just too easy to misplace a brother, a grandma … whatever …. I don’t like to think of them as lost … I like to think of them as special presents wandering in the frozen beauty, waiting to brighten the day of whoever finds them …
They are like unexpected gifts for the lonely mountain man …
. .. or food for the hungry bears in the spring …
We live by this quote at Christmas:
“Every morning in Africa, a Gazelle wakes up. It knows it must run faster than the fastest lion or it will be killed. Every morning a Lion wakes up. It knows it must outrun the slowest Gazelle or it will starve to death. It doesn’t matter whether you are a Lion or a Gazelle… when the sun comes up, you’d better be running.”
You either get to the table and get eating or get taken out (and I don’t mean for dinner and a movie). People are very passionate about their mashed potatoes and Bean Salad let me tell you! You may think the role of the “slowest Gazelle” is being played by “Fluffy” the Turkey and therefore you are safe, but in my family, the “Lions” never miss an opportunity to take out the weaker and the feeble in an effort to get that drumstick.
That is why we no longer allow utensils at our Christmas dinner. We are completely unarmed. That way no-one sustains any lasting scars …
We like to build fires in the middle of frozen lakes during the winter …
You might think “OH NO!! That will go right through the ice and then everyone will fall in and die!” but that does not happen.
I am going to give you some alone time so you can think about how cold it has to be for a huge lake to freeze so hard that a bonfire built on it does not melt the ice.
You can send your sympathy cards to any Canadian.
They will appreciate it … if you send enough … they will be able to have a huge bonfire.
I love to volunteer to set the Christmas table at Christmas time. Mainly because setting it any other day leaves you feeling kind of foolish. People just won’t wear those stupid hats other days of the year.
One of the things I really enjoy is that I get to decide where everyone sits, and I also get out of the living room and away from the relatives who brought slides of their summer vacations.
A fun thing to do is to slip is obscure things onto the decorations that have nothing to do with Christmas. I like to put things out like Grandma’s dentures, a picture I took of my brother when he was all dressed up in my prom dress, and a bowl of mixed pills.
You can also put a my little pony as one of the reindeer, a transformer to run along beside the sleigh and protect the Harry Potter Santa.
I am a big fan of having dinosaurs be part of the nativity scene too.
Ever wonder how my mind works that I come up with all this stuff?? Well … I have no idea BUT if you enjoy this Blog you might be interested in Bliss/Aria’s other blogs – find out more at Intertwingled. Join us on Facebook!
You know those paint sets you got as a kid last year from your grandma and you never knew what to do with them? Think Face Painting.
You can set up a little booth right next to the eggnog and charge your relatives to do a little face painting for Christmas.
I like to paint completely different faces on them so that I can live out my fantasy that I am adopted. My grandfather looked great as Donald Trump. I am not that crazy about him as a person but I figure the perks would be pretty sweet.
Some people like to go for butterflies and clowns and things and I guess all I have to say about that is that everyone has their own fantasies and I guess some people like the idea of eating leaves and having a nose that honks.
It’s Christmas … and with enough eggnog you will not even care because strangely enough … Donald Trump does look a little bit like a clown … if you fluff the hair I mean …
Just make sure you use non toxic paints on account of it can look really bad for you if Santa comes, everyone is really sick and throwing up, and they are all painted up to look like clowns, butterflies, and Donald Trump.
I can’t be sure but I think that pretty much nullifies your position on the good list, no matter how high up you were …
Never underestimate the opportunities to perform at Christmas time.
Once you pack 300 people into your Grandmother’s trailer, the chances of them escaping is slim to none. It is a great time to crack out your favourite karaoke songs. Just make sure you get a good grip on the mic and never underestimate the elderly when they see a chance to sing. I like to bring along some duct tape just to keep grandma from singing along with me. She thinks everything anyone sings is “Bringing In the Sheaves.”
You can also show people your ability to stand on your head and still drink beer. It gives you a great excuse to be drinking earlier than allowed.
Are you thinking the same thing I am?? I know, right?
Why on earth hasn’t someone thought of putting mushrooms in Fruitcake? I mean it can’t taste any worse AND it might make the whole season a little more “magical” if you know what I mean. Can you imagine the grandparents orbiting with the fairies? That HAS to be a family dinner you can get behind.
I just think this Christmas you should embrace you inner ‘shroom … let go and become a “funguygi.”